...patience...

I lack it. Extremely.

I want everything done now. I want things paid off now. I want to see results now. I'm not one to be gung-ho about seeing the fruition of my labor 23 years down the line. You might as well shoot me now if that was the case for something in particular in my life. This is really not a great mentality to have or a characteristic to be immensely lacking. Hence, my confession here.

There has been a major thorn in my side as of late. A thorn larger than any other thorn before. It's one of my credit cards. The amount I owe on it is quite larger than I would prefer and it causes me to enter a minor panic attack. I hate that it has that impact on me. I see that amount and I want it cleared NOW. All of it.

I started working out diligently a couple of weeks ago. I'm in a wedding in May and our dresses are strapless. Strapless dresses pretty much accentuate the areas of my body that need the most work done. This has been the sole motivation behind my running and doing weights 4 days a week and actually challenging myself physically. I am usually sore the next day, but I feel as though my body does not represent the results I want to see. Again, it's only been a couple of weeks, but I want to see the results NOW.

I'm not a patient person. I like to see results.

Today as I was going through one of those minor panic attacks about my lack of funds, a verse from a worship song came to mind.

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord."

I've sung this song numerous times, but never has the word "wait" stuck out to me like it did today.

Waiting involves patience. Me and my "I want answers and results now" mentality pretty much got showed what's up with that verse. Strength will come as I wait on God. As I'm patient. One thing I've learned in my 26 1/2 years of life is that my timing is not always, and usually never, God's timing.

I'm learning to give my burdens, my stress, and my impatience to the Lord and let Him have His way with me. I need to be patient and trust that God is doing a work in my life during this hard time. I need my eyes to see His guidance in all of this. I will wait upon the Lord.